Adam Lambert

Last night, American Idols Live came to Portland. I tried to win tickets but never got through. Last night, I had a dream that I met Adam Lambert. He looked great - with his black hair and black eye-liner, and blue eyes. He was so nice to me. I knew I had a ton of things I wanted to say to him, but I couldn't think of a single thing. So I sat there, racking my brain for something to say, but nothing came to me. He was so nice though, and patient with me. I wanted to tell him every single thing I love about him and how completely cool he is, but I had no words. He just smiled. :) Anyway, it left me with a bittersweet feeling this morning - like what a cool dream, but too bad it was just a dream.
Then I heard just now on the radio that they are going to interview Adam Lambert, and I suddenly felt like I was going to cry. Why? I'm so weird...

Shopping and a happy 4th

I just got back from grocery shopping with Mom. We took Claire with us, of course. She isn't really on any kind of a predictable nursing schedule, so I'm too nervous to be away from her for any length of time. Lily also wanted to go, but she's a bit tired and cranky from being up so late last night with the fireworks (that was awesome, by the way!). I nursed Claire right before we left and got her all sleepy, but then as soon as we transferred her to the car seat, she woke up. We managed to get to the first store without the baby screaming because I drove one-handed with my pinky-finger in her mouth. (She hates the pacifier we have.) It's the only thing we've found to keep her happy in the car. None of our old tricks work with this one.
Once at Trader Joe's, Lily asked Mom if she could ride on her back in her Ergo. She usually helps shop at that store, but she was tired. She also wanted to take her monkey blankie in with her (it's huge and warm and it's like 85 degrees today!). Mom of course said yes, 'cause Mom's a softy. I took the baby, who was cranky! I tried bouncing, shushing, patting, etc, but she was yelling the whole time. Nothing I was doing was working. So Mom (who has the magic touch) offered to take the baby and try her hand at it, while she told me everything she wanted and I got it off the shelves for her, also pushing 2 carts at once. We looked kinda funny, I'm sure, 'cause we got lots of looks and comments. (Well, Mom did - with the 4-yr-old on her back with a huge blanket and the cranky baby in her arms, as she shushed and danced all around the store).
At the next store, I tried to shop with my finger in Claire's mouth, but it was a bit inconvenient. Mom went to the baby aisle and found the kind of pacifier one of her child-care kids used to like, then went to the bathroom and washed it, and brought it to me. Guess what! It worked!!! She fell asleep! I am so excited. We've finally found something to keep this baby happy!
The twins never had pacifiers. We didn't need them. We could always get them happy. But Claire seems to have her default setting on "Fussy," and we have to turn cartwheels to get her happy. Phew.
Thank goodness for my mom. I'm convinced we wouldn't have this many kids if it weren't for her. I'd probably still be trying to recover from the twins.

Oh, and by the way, we went out yesterday and bought fireworks. I spent more than I expected to - $84! But we were excited about all our stuff. The guy at the stand told us to enter their drawing for a HUGE box of fireworks they would be giving away later that day. So I filled out the thing, and guess what!! We won!!! We had so many fireworks, we didn't have time to get through half of them by the time it got so late, we decided to turn in. Maybe we'll save them for New Year's.
The kids were ADORABLE last night! They were SO excited and really, really enjoyed the show (especially Reid). Later, we took a walk down the road and saw what all our neighbors were up to. There were lots of fireworks around here. My family also came over and spent the holiday with us. We had a great time. Happy Independence Day!

Big Brother

This post is not about Big Brother, the reality show, which starts July 9, but instead, it is about my boy, Reid, who always refers to himself as "Big Brother" when talking to Baby Claire. Oh, and he seems to think her name is "Baby Claire," because recently, he asked me how to spell her name, and I said, "Well, what's the first sound?" And he said, "B" :)
Anyway, I wrote recently about Reid's struggle with wanting to be connected and my struggle with teaching him gentleness while remaining patient. :) I just wanted to update and say that now that I'm keeping myself aware of his need to be involved, I've been asking him for help a lot more, and he's been a very willing helper. He's still seemingly unable to keep his hands off of her when she's sleeping or to keep from picking her up when she's crying and my hands are full... but he's the most loving brother she could ever ask for.
Last night, as I headed down the hallway to get ready for bed, I passed by their room and heard whimpering. I walked in to find Reid crying. My guess is that he had a bad dream, but he wouldn't really talk. Anyway, I brought him into my bed while I brushed my teeth. Then I took the baby from Donnie and we lay in bed next to each other, talking to Claire. I was having Claire talk to Reid with the silly high-pitched voice we use for her. She was talking about all the things "Big Brother" will teach her to do when she gets older. Everything she said ended in a crazy-sounding voice, with her face nose-to-nose with Reid's, like "Big Brother, when I get bigger, you can teach me how to run, and then I'M GONNA PASS YOU!!!" (Reid always tells Donnie he's going to be able to pass him in a race someday.) Reid was CRACKING UP! I started thinking he was going to pass out or get a stomach ache, he was laughing so hard. Claire was in a great mood, and let us play with her while she looked around with her big eyes. It was a really nice time with my sweetie pies.

I love these kids of mine. :)

Lily, the comedian

Lily asked me the other day, "Mommy, what's a comedian?" I told her it's someone who tells jokes and makes people laugh. I guess she's decided to be a comedian, 'cause she's coming up with new jokes all the time. Here's an example from this morning:
Lily: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Lily: Funny joke.
Me: Funny joke, who?
Lily: Um, the chicken tried to cross the road, but he fell down and then a car came and ran over him, and now he's dead and he can't cross the road anymore.

I was cracking up by the end of it. She's not exactly a conventional joke-teller, but the end-result is the same. I find all her jokes hilarious. :)

Hello, my name is Amy, and I'm a Claire addict

Oh, man. This baby. Yum! She's intoxicating - her smell, her stretches, her yawns, her squeeks, her grunts, her faces, her cry. I'm totally, hopelessly addicted. And I don't want help. Just more time. :)

Baby Claire is a bit high-needs. She nurses constantly, startles easily, and has trouble settling. She often takes little cat-naps, but doesn't go into that deep level of sleep, so she'll wake if you so much as move. Still, I am totally, completely, crazy in love with her, adoring even the sound of her cry. It didn't come this easily with the twins - I think I was so overwhelmed from the birth experience and caring for twins, and so sleep-deprived, that I was in survival mode for at least the first month. I was on auto-pilot. The lovey-dovey feelings came later. This baby has me giddy with adoration over every face, sound, and movement she makes. She makes me smile and giggle all the time. It's wonderful.
The kids adore her too, and still try to be helpful, but with Claire being as finicky as she is, I more often find myself saying, "Oh, no, please don't touch her right now, I just got her to sleep." Reid especially hears things like that a lot. He's intensely affectionate, and loves to give the baby hugs and kisses, loves to talk to her (a little loudly), and loves to give me lots of hugs while I'm holding the baby. I find myself tensing up when I see him coming. Yesterday, I was giving Claire a bath in the sink and Reid was helping. He had a tiny cup and was pouring water on her chest. Then he announced, "Baby Claire likes when I pour water on her face!" and poured water directly into her open eye. I was immediately alarmed and irritated. I scooped up the crying baby, saying, "Oh, no, Reid! That's not nice! That makes her cry!" I took her away and wrapped her in a towel. Reid followed me and said, (with complete sincerity and a little hurt in his voice) "I'm still a nice boy. You don't have to be mean at me!"
Later that same day, we were in the car and the baby was SCREAMING!!! Reid sits right next to her, and he was singing to her, I guess, but it was loud and obnoxious rather than soothing. I kept asking him to be quieter or not to touch her once she quieted down... I guess he felt a bit picked on, because he said it again, "I'm still a nice boy!"
My poor boy. I hate that he feels the need to defend his "nice boy" status. I need to try to find more ways for him to be helpful and try to cut back on the "Please don't"s. He very much wants to be involved with her care, but sometimes I'm shocked by his choices. Like the water in the eye! Or if I leave the baby in the swing and she starts crying, he'll just go over and scoop her up, even though he knows I don't want him picking her up without me present. He's just trying in his little Reid-way to be helpful though, and I need to make him feel more like a helper than a hindrance.

Anyway, besides the baby stuff, I'm trying to continue going out and doing fun stuff, even though it means listening to Claire scream in the car while I worry that the 15 minutes of crying without getting her needs met means that she won't develop the level of trust in me she needs to create an appropriate level of attachment... :) (Yeah, it's fun being in my head.)
We went to a free movie last week with Auntie and Joshua. And then yesterday we went skating with Grandma and all her childcare kids. Lily's a good skater! Wow... She has an old pair of skates that used to belong to Michelle and me when we were kids, and she wears them all through the house. I guess that's made the difference, because she is really good. We also go to Grandma's house a few days a week to play. My mom has the magic touch with Claire. I think she can keep her happy longer than either me or Donnie. But even she admits that Claire's a bit of a challenge. :)

Oh, and one of Claire's little mysteries is her night-time habit of waking up and crying - screaming, actually, in a panicked, frantic way, for over an hour. We try everything - nursing, swaddling, shushing, different positions,, swaying, jiggling, singing... Sometimes she'll settle for a minute or two, but then she'll start right back up again. We know better than to stop once we have her quiet, but still, she will only settle temporarily, and then we can feel her tense up again, and she'll start screaming. Eventually, after an hour or two of this, she wears herself out enough to latch on and let herself relax, and finally fall asleep. It's such a sad thing. Fortunately, it isn't every night, and she's a pretty good sleeper, other than that.

So that's all I had for today... Claire's opening her adorably creased little Yoda-eyes, and yawning with her cute little Donnie-mouth, and making her funny little Lily-grunts, so my time is up anyway. Uh-oh, sounds like I've got a diaper to change. Man, she's cute. :)

Still here

Wow, life has been really busy. Claire is a beautiful, delightful, fun baby, but she's a little higher maintenance than the twins were. So I'm finding myself with very little free time on my hands. When the baby doesn't need me, I'm doing laundry, loading the dishwasher, cleaning up spills, tying on capes, making meals, and trying to get a shower in at some point. Life is very full, but very good, too. :) Okay, Claire's making her cute scrunchy face, so I gotta go. Just wanted to let you know I'm still here. :)